Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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