Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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