Sponge bath it is.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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