I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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