Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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