Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
