Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize