Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
