So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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