I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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