standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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