don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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