I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
