This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
