oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
