My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
