i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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