smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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