The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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