Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
