maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
