you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
