The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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