I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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