The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
