no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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