so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
