every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
