What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
