did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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