Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
