She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
