So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
where are you?
Hypothermia
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Still dying that you shit outside
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
