also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
