I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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