it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
