somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
