I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
