Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
