I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
