its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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