mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
