I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
