mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
