im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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