Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
