Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
