There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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