I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
