I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
