Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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