im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
