I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
