Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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