Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
