you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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