it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize