We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
