So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
