She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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