My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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