All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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